space to stand

somewhere i belong..... seems farfetched and illusive... and the faults... are probably and most likely.. my own...

im sad this blog mostly has sad story of my life....

pitiful...

but wake up Farhan.... this is just a tips of the iceberg compare millions other suffering much worst problem then urs... u should be thankful... u r alive... life move on.... close that 'door'.. and open a new one.. so.. aim to be better..
just the prob is.... im not sure... what actually im done wrong here...
funny...
how im going to learn.. if i dont know what actually went wrong..
yeah... i know... stupid of me... cannot get that one right...

i dont know what to write anymore...

but one thing for sure...

 i am that stupid enough to open back the 'door'...
cause....
i will always hoping...
i will always... forgiving...


but hei.. the sign is crystal clear... i'm just a nobody.......
to most...

but i will not falter... in trying to be somebody...
to my utmost...

friends...

i had a few... yes... just a few friends that i consider really dear to me..
and i believe most of people too would have a just few who r dear to them...
some maybe lucky to have more.. some are not so lucky.. as they have none...

someone u trust...
someone u care...
someone that u don't want them to hurt.. in anyway... in anyhow..

i hate to see their suffering..
i hate to see their tears..
i hate my self for no able to do anything to cure the scar that so deep...
i hate that not able to prevent it in the first places...

as i can only watch.. from a far..

but... my friends.... it not automatically vice versa...
as they may not feel the same way u did..

but its okay..

i'm still here...
watching..

i'm still here...
listening...

i'm still here..
praying..

all i can do... is to be there for them... when they need me....
but.... i will 4ever cherish them... if they ever.. be there for me when i need them the most...

my hand are tied...
where in certain cases...
and i can only pray...

far... far... far away...

urm... kenapa.... aku rasa....
setiap kali bila aku dah jmpa kawan yg aku rasa boleh fit in.....
selepas satu jangka masa.... mereka-mereka akan jauhkan diri dari aku....
pulaukan aku.... macam aku dah buat satu kesalahan besar...
too be honest... aku sangat la susah nak cari kawan lelaki.... pelik ke tak ni..
walau aku sorg lelaki..... hehhe... aku lebih mudah mesra ngan perempuan...
bukan nak belagak... tapi its a fact... tapi skrg tak leh mesra2 sngt...
zaman dah masuk usia ni... senang sngt org salah tafsir kalau dah mesra ngan seorang bukan muhrim nie...
back to topik.... ape sebenarnye aku kene buat?
ataupun sepatutnya soalan nye...
ape sebnarnye aku tak boleh buat?

dari kecik lg aku susah nak dapat kwan...
bila dah dapt.... hurm... mcam aku cite kat atas laa.....

mungkin juga aku yang salah..... ade bnda yg tak betul kat aku nie...
tapi.... kalau sebagai kawan.... tak boleh ke tampil ke hadapan dan bgtau aku yg aku dah buat salah??
atau... memang dari awal.... mmg anggap aku sbagai kenalan..... so lantak la aku nak jadi ape....

heiiiii..... dah macam kecewa kene tinggal kan awek pulak..... hahahha......

i'm laughing in my head... but i cannot afford to forge a smile on my face........;(

so.... if u have a close friend...i envy u... hehehe....
joking....[yeke??] anyway.... what im trying to say is... if u have a close friends... cherish them...
cuz... it not fun being alone.... when the time u need their company...


^_^

p.s. sory.... agak touching sikit... huhu....

lama juga...

dah bersawang dah blog... urm... dah lmbt ke kalau br nak berazam?? heheheheheh.....

ok... azam nak upgrade blog nie.... hehehehe.... ntah bile pun tak tau laaa...

mimpi...

ape itu mimpi...(bkn impian k)

mimpi... bg kefahaman aku...

adalah mainan fikiran pabila kita di buai lena...

something... kalau kita ingat... kita boleh bercerita....

tpi tnpa bukti... kerana... ia hanya mimpi...

seperti ape yg berlaku kepada aku...

baru2 ini... laptop aku rosak... hard disk pnca...

segala2 data... kenangan... kerja... lagu2.. yg aku ada...

hilang...

bagai kan 3 tahun aku dkat kolej poly tech mara kuala lumpur ini...

hanya bagai kan mimpi...

ntah la... memang la...

kenangan baru boleh mngisi...

data baru boleh di cari...

lagu2 boleh dikumpul semula...

tapi... adakah aku perlu mulakan segala nya??

adakah ini petunjuk yg aku perlu ubah hala tuju aku...???

aku dalam jauh hati aku.... sngat syg kan kolej ini(kptm)....

tapi... aku juga benci kolej ini sbb2 tertntu...

aku mncari jalan tuk jauh kan diri...

tapi pada masa yg sama... aku masih di tarik..

aku harap...

ape pun... jalan aku pilih selepas ini....

aku takkan menyesal...